Ni na me ai ta, wei she me bu ba ta liu xia... sigh... why am i feeling so down now.. though i wan to be with her but i cant be so selfish... i did all this so that she will feel better and can be able to find a better man than me.. i jus wan her to be happy...

but every nite.. i will always dream about her... i will always think of the times in china.. why. why cant i let it go? nan ren yao na de qi fang de xia.. i did those stuff like last time when i am facing prob and was able to solve. but i cant do it.. i will jus think about it.. i feel like breaking dwn sooner or later.. i... help me.. i know i am weak and not man enough.. but blame who but myself for being so emotional and sentimental.. i jus wan her to be happy and we still can be frens and there won't be any awkwardness btw us... tell me wat to do to remove this awkwardness and to make her happy again. even if i have to suffer the deepest pain. i don mind....

jus got back from china.. so fast 6 weeks flew past in an blink of an eye.. sigh.. kinda miss the joy over there though.. but have to look forward.. this is the year 2010!!! must look things positively this year.. no more sad things to block my way.. yeah.. after this trip.. gt to noe lots of buddies and some ladies over there.. haha.. and there are some links over here and there like my pri sch fren's gf is also in the group.. kinda fun though.. nxt week might be goin out with them.. gettin me for a make over.. hopefully will be a fun wan..

one good news.

I LOST 5KG!!! woohoo!!

but my body shrink. sian.. have to train back those muscles and be tanned again

jus went back for trainin today and everyone said tat i shrink and bcome very white..

feel as though i am back to year one junior again..

kinda tiring today.. haha

gt to go over to my ah ma hse eat.. byeeeee

no 2010 resolution ba.. cause never really think of it.. but...

when there is something that i really wan, i will go for it.. haha..

may be there is one ba.. but cant say it here.. its a secret.. shh..

!!HAPPY NEW YEAR!! sorry about the late wishes.. was away ytd in hostel and celebrating by playing big 2. haha.. lose money sia. but in RMB so is okie.

went to 3 li tun to play pool and stuff.. finally can see alittle bit sense of the sg safra where the pool table is like the mt fabar safra. haha.. the place is cool. ocean theme. suits me alot.. haha..

went to do a upper body massage was kinda cool. gt some clothes and went to DAYALI. 2nd best place to sell beijing duck... kinda full as we four ppl ate 7 dishes. then come back..

guess wat.. its

snowing!!!

finally!! after waiting for a month.. is cool.. me and HC bareback and run in the snow. is so freaking cold man.. haha.. this is my first time experience snow.. kinda cool and sense a peacefulness and joy in this weather.. gonna slp soon.

next fri will be flying back le.. WOOHOO!!! finally.. ate so much salt and red meat here.. kinda scared though... yup..

hopefully when we are back in sg.. we rmb each other and the fun we enjoy here for the 6 weeks... sigh..

Gt a feeling i will be forgotten....

Happy Belated Merry Christmas!! being busy for the last few days for some performance for the christmas day celebration in BITC. alot of things happen. some good stuff and some bad stuff which don rally wan to mention.. but these week is quite a joyful one though.

went to hotspring and did massage.. damn shiok.. also went to the KTV with GR, WC, Andrew, HC and allan... tell u man. this KTV is not only cheap, the sound system and stuff are far more better than SG KBOX.

gt alot of lastest eng songs to sing but we sang the old chinese songs. sang till i also lose my voice.. haha..

this christmas is a diff one compare to the previous christmas where i celebrate alone... celebrate at home alone in the room.. sigh... live life to the fullest is the only thing i can do now... also kinda happy cause really enjoy this christmas alot and is far away from home..

ignoring things around me... ARGH!!!!!

guess like there goes the end of me.. like shuwen said:"Wah!! kana rejected by gal again ah? haha.." sigh.. wat to do? i am jus tat unlucky in love thingy.. horoscope said all those stuff cannot be trusted... i really dono wat to do.. like a lost chick tat jus come out of the egg when the mother hen is nt around.. sigh... my heart really cannot be fixed le.. being hurt again and again.. jus like the the pic above.. cannot be healed.. sigh.. i fucking hate myself nw.. cause this time round i am the cause of this stupid ending.. i am jus pissed with myself.. when can i stop doing a fucking mistake? why do i always get rejected? this time round is a nice gal but i jus lost this chance.. DAMN IT!!!! ARGH!!! feeling very low nw.. don wanna do anything now.. jus wan to stay into darkness... like those quiet werewolves.. not like jacob team.. jus one individual werewolf which is hate by many....

The Best Damn Thing album by Avril Lavigne

these two days were facing some ups and dwns man.. saw her tweet and did not noe who she was referring to.. so i jus asked.. but i dono whether i was being ignored or she did not notice.. sigh.. maybe coming to china was a bad choice... sigh..

ytd nite i saw a shooting star in the sky while we were playing bball in the nite.. everyone prayed and wished except for maurice cause he nt saw the shooting star.. he was so sian.. haha.. May my wish really come true man..

today went to silk road"siu shui jie" to shopping.. went to have buffet for lunch.. then went shopping till half hour later i start to feel uncomfortable and start puking from 1 plus to 4 plus.. its the most terrible time i had...

I feel like i am weak.. a weak guy.. train so much and yet i am sick alr in two weeks.. sigh.. suddenly i have the "burden" feeling now like when i was injured during trainin.. sigh.. jus wan to be in a world there is no one to be with, peaceful and quiet and live my life as a hermit..